Green Drinking Voucher
Alderney's main currency is the Guernsey Pound, which unlike british sterling has a one pound note, known sometimes as a green drinking voucher, which explains these coupons for the Alderney Week beer tent:[read on...]
Alderney Week Website
Mahmouds Blog is Offline
President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has a blog, where he writes about not liking Jews and Americans, and it's gone offline. Glad I'm not his techie right now, might learn him a thing or two about using the infidel software of Microsoft.
Upside Down Horse Statue
This is just too awesome for words.[read on...]
Gallery of Funny Statues
The first illegal prime number
If you are viewing this page from the United States and are using the craptastic Internet Explorer web browser, you have just broken the law.
You now have this number in your browser cache, and have come afoul of the DMCA. This number when converted from base 10 to binary and executed strips the copy protection from DVDs. The NSA has observed your download, and your ISP has probably logged it.
4 85650 78965 73978 29309 84189 46942 86137 70744 20873 51357 92401 96520 73668 69851 34010 47237 44696 87974 39926 11751 09737 77701 02744 75280 49058 83138 40375 49709 98790 96539 55227 01171 21570 25974 66699 32402 26834 59661 96060 34851 74249 77358 46851 88556 74570 25712 54749 99648 21941 84655 71008 41190 86259 71694 79707 99152 00486 67099 75923 59606 13207 25973 79799 36188 60631 69144 73588 30024 53369 72781 81391 47979 55513 39994 93948 82899 84691 78361 00182 59789 01031 60196 18350 34344 89568 70538 45208 53804 58424 15654 82488 93338 04747 58711 28339 59896 85223 25446 08408 97111 97712 76941 20795 86244 05471 61321 00500 64598 20176 96177 18094 78113 62200 27234 48272 24932 32595 47234 68800 29277 76497 90614 81298 40428 34572 01463 48968 54716 90823 54737 83566 19721 86224 96943 16227 16663 93905 54302 41564 73292 48552 48991 22573 94665 48627 14048 21171 38124 38821 77176 02984 12552 44647 44505 58346 28144 88335 63190 27253 19590 43928 38737 64073 91689 12579 24055 01562 08897 87163 37599 91078 87084 90815 90975 48019 28576 84519 88596 30532 38234 90558 09203 29996 03234 47114 07760 19847 16353 11617 13078 57608 48622 36370 28357 01049 61259 56818 46785 96533 31007 70179 91614 67447 25492 72833 48691 60006 47585 91746 27812 12690 07351 83092 41530 10630 28932 95665 84366 20008 00476 77896 79843 82090 79761 98594 93646 30938 05863 36721 46969 59750 27968 77120 57249 96666 98056 14533 82074 12031 59337 70309 94915 27469 18356 59376 21022 20068 12679 82734 45760 93802 03044 79122 77498 09179 55938 38712 10005 88766 68925 84487 00470 77255 24970 60444 65212 71304 04321 18261 01035 91186 47666 29638 58495 08744 84973 73476 86142 08805 29443
Illegal numbers. What is the world coming to. What's that Timmy? You guessed there were 51103 pennies in the jar... *gasp* No! officer, wait! he's just a child, he didn't know...
Subject: Recent Changes
As you are no doubt aware, Sony Corporation(tm) has recently acquired international copyright on the number 43. The copyright comes into effect Tuesday. For this reason the 43rd floor will now be known as the 'Carribean Suite' and will have the braille abbreviation CS on elevator buttons and door plates.
Office parties celebrating birthdays between 42 and 44 will be referred to as Disillusionment Year parties. In all other correspondence and business in which the number may appear Sony Number(tm) will be used in place of 43 once our licence has come through.
The IT department is issuing a software update to all company computers that will allow Sony Number(tm) to evaluate correctly in spreadsheets and our proprietary software. For efficiency, the keyboard shortcut Ctrl+Shift+S will be implemented to type 'Sony Number(tm)'.
From Tuesday, any employee using the number 43 without express written permission from Sony Corp and consultation with the legal department will be deemed to be comitting copyright infringement and subject to the usual disciplinary procedures. Remember what happened to the intern who downloaded that illegal Justin Timberlake .mp3? She's still in jail, dont let it happen to you - police *will* be informed.
If there are any remaining queries about these changes, please contact your supervisor or the HR department.
Wishing you a productive day,
ps: Happy Dissillusionment Year to to Jim in accounting!
In actual news, copyrights and patents have been granted on some numbers, and you're not allowed to use them. Details:
Patent for Modular Division Prime
Primes and Analysis of Patent Laws
Illegal Primes on Wikipedia[read on...]
Lord of The Rings Voiceover
YouTube has a short LOTR clip voiced over by some guy called Olaf with grunts and moaning. Hella stupid, and very funny.[read on...]
Ren & Stimpy - Lawn Cigar
A frame from the banned Ren & Stimpy episode starring George Liquor (American). [read on...]
You can watch the whole episode on GUBA
Clairvoyant Chickens in Ancient Rome
This Wikipedia article describes how the Romans used magic, psychic chickens to tell fortune. I wonder if they'd laugh as hard at modern religion/superstitions. Probably.
The Romans used chickens for oracles, both when flying ('ex avibus') and when feeding ('auspicium ex tripudiis'). The hen ('gallina') gave a favourable omen ('auspicium ratum'), when appearing from the left (Cic.,de Div. ii.26), like the crow and the owl.
For the oracle 'ex tripudiis' according to Cicero (Cic. de Div. ii.34), any bird could be used, but normally only chickens ('pulli') were consulted. The chickens were cared for by the pullarius, who [...] fed them a special kind of soft cake. If the chickens stayed in their cage, made noises, beat their wings or flew away, the omen was bad; if they ate greedily, the omen was good.
In 249 BC, the Roman general Publius Claudius Pulcher had his chickens thrown overboard when they refused to feed before the battle of Drepana, saying 'If they won't eat, perhaps they will drink.' He promptly lost the battle against the Carthaginians and 93 Roman ships were sunk. Back in Rome, he was tried for impiety and heavily fined.
So now you know. Next time you lose a sea battle, it's probably because you didn't have enough chickens along with you, or they weren't hungry enough.[read on...]
Squirrels Read `American Dad`
Here's an animation I made of some crazed squirrels reciting quotes from the TV show American Dad.[read on...]
Yes, I know. I was procrastinating something.
Bubonic plague case in LA
From the Associated press:
LOS ANGELES, California -- A woman is in stable condition with bubonic plague, the first confirmed human case in Los Angeles County since 1984, health officials said Tuesday.
Los Angeles had the Black Death in 1984? I had no idea that diease still existed, I assumed it had gone the way of smallpox. Huh. In a related note, Alderney is reportedly the only place in Europe where one can still find plague rats - they were outcompeted by Rattus norvegicus and almost all populations in temperate latitudes have died out.
So.. we have a new item for 'Things to do in LA:', contract plague. Life is funny.
Dictionary of Sex Terms
Goofy press has a brilliant, exhaustive dictionary of sexual terms. I'd have thought that being a barman and regular citizen of the net I'd have heard every sexual euphamism there was. I'd be wrong.
CHICKEN OF THE SEA
a young gay sailor.
term that nude sunbathers sometimes use for a person who wears a bathing suit; see 'textile.'
businesses where the bosses are men and the secretaries (oops! administrative assistants) are women.
term for an undesirable male who is trying to make a move on you; from a character in the movie sixteen candles, 'Oh crap, it's farmer ted'.
someone who looks hot from across the room, but starts looking less attractive with each approaching step.
manliest lion to ever live in captivity; once had intercourse more than 160 times in less than three days. died shortly thereafter.
place where there's lots of gay sex going on.
person who believes that she can turn a loser into a winner.
Life of Satisfaction Expectation Ratio
Today on the Daily Show, Demitri Martin's Trendspotting looks at life coaches, what they do and whether you need one. At the end of the show he shares with us the only available tool to help you decide if life coaching is right for you, the Life Of Satisfaction Expectation index.[read on...]
You can calcualte yours now using this form.
''You just take the age you were when you moved out of your parents house, multiply by the age at which you lost your virginity, plus the square root of your monthly income, divided by the number of cats you have plus one''
12 Arguments Against Gay Marriage
From TruthCantSaveU's LiveJournal:[read on...]
Twelve Reasons Gays Should Not Be Allowed to Get Married
1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or a longer lifespan.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a ''separate but equal'' institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
Fun Timewasters: Google Video
Jazzz says:[read on...]
Bush and Blair: Read My Lips
Holy Crap! (Colin Vincent are you watching)
Carlsberg Ad, Carmina Burana
Have you got a WKD side?
M$ Redesigned iPod Package
How do Porcupines Make Love
If I was a horny porcupine.... I guess I could invent some pretty tall tails about how two balls of poisonous spines go about making naughty ju-ju without painful damage occuring. I know know that if I was going to have sex with a porcupine... OK lets stop that train of thought. The reality turns out to be wierder anyway:
When the male encountered the female porcupine he smelled her all over, then reared up on his hind legs, his penis fully erect. If the female was not ready she ran away. If she is prepared for mating she also reared up and faced the male, belly-to-belly. In this position most males then sprayed the female with a strong stream of urine (In one case, urine was measured on the lab floor 6 foot 7 inches from the point of discharge), soaking her from head to foot. (Johnnie, a young male, would charge the female from this position, trying to wrestle her to the ground and make sexual contact ventrally. He was never successful.)
Read the whole story.[read on...]
This is genius. Unmitigated freaking genius. Mad props to whoever this is.[read on...]
National Gorilla Suit Day
National Gorilla Suit Day, which mysteriously falls on January 31 of each year, is perhaps the important holiday of the year. Every National Gorilla Suit Day, people of all shapes and colors around the world get their gorilla suits out of the closet, put them on and go door-to-door.
That's really all there is to it. You don't have to buy gifts. You don't have to fast, although some Orthodox Gorilla Suiters do. If you want to have a parade, fine. Just make sure all the marchers are wearing gorilla suits and that all the balloons are giant, inflatable gorillas.
– Mark Evanier
Now that's a holiday worth celebrating!
from the Daily Monkey [read on...]
The Warlike Percys
I just read something wonderful in the Wikipedia article for the town of Alnwick:
The history of Alnwick is the history of the castle and its lords, from the days of Gilbert Tyson, variously known as Tison, Tisson, and De Tesson, one of the Conqueror's standardbearers, upon whom this northern estate was bestowed, until the present time. After being held by the family of De Vesci (of which the modern rendering is Vasey — a name found all over south-east Northumberland) for over two hundred years, it passed into the hands of the house of Percy in 1309.
At various points in the town are memorials of the constant wars between Percys and Scots in which so many Percys spent the greater part of their lives.
Wars between the Percys and the Scots. I dont know about y'all, when I imagine someone called Percy the picture is of a small, effete man in a tuxedo. Someone with unfashionable glasses, a high nasal voice and a penchant for stamp collecting. Maybe I'm being terribly unfair.
Now imagine them at war. A green field under an overcast Northumberland sky. Stretched out across it is a single line of thousands of Percys, all in their tuxedos and clutching their fencing rapiers or whatever weapons they own. They're nervously singing the Percy family hymn and stuttering.
Charging down the hillside on the other end of the field are two thousand red haired, kilt wearing, half-drunk Scots. They're shouting and swearing in gaelic over the noise of fifty clan pipers on the hill behind them. A muddy, sweaty wave of wildmen sweeping onto the field, armed with rocks and sharpened poles.
It may have been a short battle. AaaarrrrrGH![read on...]
Turns out that it's illegal to eat your ballot card in Canada:
Q: Is someone allowed to eat a ballot?
A: Eating a ballot, not returning it or otherwise destroying or defacing it constitutes a serious breach of the Canada Elections Act.
one xbox 360
silic0nsilence: So it's black friday at CompUSA.[read on...]
silic0nsilence: We were to open up at 12am. It's 11:58pm and there is a HUGE line of blood-thirsty, hard drive-wanting, maniacs. So my friend dares me to scream we have one xbox360.
Slider: Holy shit.
silic0nsilence: So he gives me $20. I go up to the gate and scream, 'LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE JUST RECIEVED ONE XBOX360!!' Immediatly people are storming the gate, passing me money through the cage to get it. They were screaming and knocked over this old lady. My boss just looks at me with these red eyes. In them, I saw fear and rage.
Slider: Omg you dumb shit!
Slider: Wait a second, it's 12:46A, and it's black Friday. What did this happen minutes ago? Shouldn't you be at work?
silic0nsilence: Pretty sure I don't work at CompUSA any more..
Golfland Terrorist Threat
The US Department of Homeland security was put on alert earlier this week as reports surfaced that Al Quaeda, Islamic Jihad and other terrist organisations were planning a major attack on, er, Golfland, in San Jose.
The three acre miniature golf course, described as San Jose's equivalent of the White House or Sears Tower is an obvious target for those who wish to do America lasting, devastating harm.
The Department of Homeland Security's crack squad of anti-terrorist intelligence analysts have been vigilantly guarding a miniature golf course near San Jose, California, having identified it as a prime target for an attack on America. Imagine the symbolism of a miniature windmill in flames -- truly such would be a spiritual blow from which America could never recover.